The Weak Nurse.

Hi Everyone,


So, I thought I'd bring you a post about something that is quite hard to discuss. For the past year I have been suffering with Fibromyalgia. I always struggle to explain exactly what Fibromyalgia is and for the most part it's still quite a mysterious syndrome.


The easiest way I can describe it for me is this: if you have ever had the flu (and I mean the real, debilitating flu that has you in bed for a week) then that is pretty much what it feels like having Fibromyalgia ALL THE TIME. (minus the snotty nose etc.) I am constantly aching and in pain all over my body.


Now. Some people can be quite insensitive about the whole thing. Saying that "it can't be that bad", "can't you just be less tired" and the worst "Are you SURE that you're not just a little bit tired". No. It is bad. I can't just make myself sleep. And no, it's not just feeling a bit tired.


The way my (marvellous) Doctor described it to me was this:
















The reason I am telling you this is because recently I have been very angry and frustrated. I am currently studying to become a Mental Health Nurse, and this syndrome has severely impacted on my journey. I have had to stop pretty much all social contact and fun activities outside of university and work placement. Yet, that still hasn't been enough. At this moment in time I should be in my penultimate week of my final placement for second year. However, due to my Fibromyaligia I have had to be signed off for 2 weeks to re-evaluate my condition and medication. This has annoyed me.






I have been very lucky with my placements over the two years, and this one is no different. I have absolutely loved the time I have spent on my ward, so much so that I would be happy applying for a job there in a years time. However, it is quite a trek for me to get there as it takes me 1 1/2 hours sometimes 2. I have to say I am lucky being a mental health nurse as my shifts are the same hours as a normal 9-5 job just with different start and finish times. This means I'm working 8 hours a day plus another 3 hours travelling (at least).






Now before anyone jumps in; I know there are other nurses who do 12 hour shifts plus their travelling, but for me and my condition it can be knackering. So much so, that in my first week (where I was only working 9-5) I couldn't physically get out of my bed by the Thursday. Week 2, I managed to make the whole week, but by week 3 I was done. I only managed to go in for 1 day, and even that tired me out to the point that it made me an emotional wreck.






For those who know me, you will know that I am quite a happy go luck girl who very rarely lets anything get her down. But by Thursday of my third week, I was inconsolable. I felt that I couldn't continue with nursing and that I would never get a job because I couldn't cope with the work. I was at a loss of what to do with my life as I can't see myself being anything other than a nurse and to be honest I was quite done with life.






Then I started getting my logical brain in gear. I rang placement and told them that I wasn't going to be in for the rest of the week and that when I was next in I wanted to make a plan to make up my hours. Then I emailed a myriad of people at my university asking to be referred to occupational health and to see what advice my personal tutor had to give me.






The lady I spoke to was lovely and understanding, she signed me off for two weeks and referred me to occy health, for which I am eternally grateful.






I am still in the process of getting myself sorted and I am by no means better, but I now know that I have got a structured support system in the form of my friends, family and university. I still don't know what I am going to do, but already I feel a bit more positive about my future as a nurse, which only a week ago I couldn't see.






I don't really know what this post is for. I guess I just want to show you the point of view of someone who felt to weak to be a nurse, but actually I'm not. Part of being a competent nurse is knowing when you can't do something. And that is what I have done, I knew I wasn't giving my best care because I wasn't, and I'm still not, my best self. One day I will be ready to complete my placement and hopefully it will be soon, but if not then that's okay to. If it takes me another 5 years to become a nurse I know that's what I will be and no condition is going to stop me from being that.